It was a year ago today I woke up in my lover's arms. He withdrew with guilt, and our relationship was forever changed. Physically, we grew closer while pulling away from the mental burden we inflicted upon ourselves. We were "in Love," but committed somewhere else.
The day came where by my own joyful ignorance our secret affair was discovered. More guilt consumed us and pulled us further apart while our hearts continually connected us. Time grew precious but filled with empty heat. Passion overtook us while guilt drove a stake in our hearts.
We chose our paths with heavy hearts professing futures so true. Smiles pressed on cynical faces as we wished each other well. Concerned solely of each others happiness all the while hoping sadness would drive the vehicle to the other's door. Thank goodness location of either was unknown except when together. Hurt can no longer be spread from one unto another and patience is no longer needed. Hope for the future is gone as reality creeps back in and reminds each of the path they pledged with their hearts and heads so many years ago. True love does not exist...not in this house.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Marriage!?
In this day and age, marriage seems like a thing of the past. Sure, people are still getting married, but I find a lot of them go in to it with the idea if it doesn't work out they can always get divorced. What happen to the old school values? What happened to hardwork and determination? Everything in life is work...that is how life gets it worth for so many people; however, work should not be one's life.
Anyway, I digress.
Many of my friends are single or in their 2nd marriage. The common time frame for their first marriage seems to be about 3years. It is such a fashion now, that it has been termed trial marriages. Unfortunately, I don't feel you can really learn enough about a person in the first 3 years, and you both have not had a chance to grow and change as you most certainly will through life.
So, what is marriage and is it really important to our lives nowadays?
Many claim marriage to be a pledging of the heart to that person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Then what happens when you both grow apart over time and find yourself with different passions and no way to compromise on being intertwined in each others lives anymore? Isn't that part of the work aspect of a marriage?
At the same time, I view marriage as a mutual partnership. You have pledged to each other you will be there through thick and thin, "in sickness & in health, till death due us part." When one member of the marriage is falling down and unable to walk, the other partner picks the ailing member up and carries them for a while and vice versa. I guess one could look at it as teamwork. No one person is perfect, but a team can be pretty darn close when they truly work together towards common goals or even uncommon goals. That is where support comes in. Believing in each other and trusting in each other. Why marry someone if you cannot share your deepest darkest secrets with them and know they are still going to love you. I truly feel when two people marry they truly do become family and families love unconditionally...of course, I guess that is in a perfect world. This world, unfortunately, is not perfect and thus we see billboards advertising "divorce in a day."
Not too long ago, I sat at a party listening to people talk about marriage. It started as a conversation about homosexual marriage versus heterosexual marriage, and it eventually turned in to berating a young gentleman (22yrs of age) about his beliefs on marriage. He was currently engaged and headed in to the marriage idea with the belief that Divorce was not an option. The people around him bombarded him with questions related to their own marriages which had ended in divorce. As I was (and still am) going through a rough spell in my marriage of 11yrs, I gave the gentleman kudos for sticking to his guns and told him to hold on to that belief even in the worst of times within his marriage. It is sometimes the only thing that may save a severely ailing marriage.
When I got married 11yrs ago, I fully believed divorce was not an option. Things could never get so bad that we could not work it out. Well, things have gotten pretty bad and we both are still committed to this marriage and struggling our asses off with some glimmer of hope that we can salvage what once was an amazing marriage. It is not easy, and I have found myself in a spot which I never imagined I would be in. My husband has lost his trust in me, and I work daily on finding the balance between autonomy and building back his trust. At the same time, he constantly struggles with his emotions and how to express them. It often leaves us both pretty hurt and rejected, but we are able to come together and have some great talks about it sometimes too. We are no where near the relationship we had in the beginning of the marriage, but we are not the same people we were in the beginning of the marriage. The hope is we will come through it stronger and more knowledgeable of each other.
So, marriage...what is it and how important is it to the nature of humans? I guess it is an ever evolving/morphing relationship filled with work and joy at the same time. As is the truth of life, marriage is not easy either. Each of us has to determine how important it is to us to be committed to one person and rely on that one person to play their part in the partnership we agreed to infront of all our friends and family. If that does not work, then maybe it is best some of us go it alone and just rely on our friends to be there when we need a shoulder. Marriage is not for everyone after all.
Anyway, I digress.
Many of my friends are single or in their 2nd marriage. The common time frame for their first marriage seems to be about 3years. It is such a fashion now, that it has been termed trial marriages. Unfortunately, I don't feel you can really learn enough about a person in the first 3 years, and you both have not had a chance to grow and change as you most certainly will through life.
So, what is marriage and is it really important to our lives nowadays?
Many claim marriage to be a pledging of the heart to that person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Then what happens when you both grow apart over time and find yourself with different passions and no way to compromise on being intertwined in each others lives anymore? Isn't that part of the work aspect of a marriage?
At the same time, I view marriage as a mutual partnership. You have pledged to each other you will be there through thick and thin, "in sickness & in health, till death due us part." When one member of the marriage is falling down and unable to walk, the other partner picks the ailing member up and carries them for a while and vice versa. I guess one could look at it as teamwork. No one person is perfect, but a team can be pretty darn close when they truly work together towards common goals or even uncommon goals. That is where support comes in. Believing in each other and trusting in each other. Why marry someone if you cannot share your deepest darkest secrets with them and know they are still going to love you. I truly feel when two people marry they truly do become family and families love unconditionally...of course, I guess that is in a perfect world. This world, unfortunately, is not perfect and thus we see billboards advertising "divorce in a day."
Not too long ago, I sat at a party listening to people talk about marriage. It started as a conversation about homosexual marriage versus heterosexual marriage, and it eventually turned in to berating a young gentleman (22yrs of age) about his beliefs on marriage. He was currently engaged and headed in to the marriage idea with the belief that Divorce was not an option. The people around him bombarded him with questions related to their own marriages which had ended in divorce. As I was (and still am) going through a rough spell in my marriage of 11yrs, I gave the gentleman kudos for sticking to his guns and told him to hold on to that belief even in the worst of times within his marriage. It is sometimes the only thing that may save a severely ailing marriage.
When I got married 11yrs ago, I fully believed divorce was not an option. Things could never get so bad that we could not work it out. Well, things have gotten pretty bad and we both are still committed to this marriage and struggling our asses off with some glimmer of hope that we can salvage what once was an amazing marriage. It is not easy, and I have found myself in a spot which I never imagined I would be in. My husband has lost his trust in me, and I work daily on finding the balance between autonomy and building back his trust. At the same time, he constantly struggles with his emotions and how to express them. It often leaves us both pretty hurt and rejected, but we are able to come together and have some great talks about it sometimes too. We are no where near the relationship we had in the beginning of the marriage, but we are not the same people we were in the beginning of the marriage. The hope is we will come through it stronger and more knowledgeable of each other.
So, marriage...what is it and how important is it to the nature of humans? I guess it is an ever evolving/morphing relationship filled with work and joy at the same time. As is the truth of life, marriage is not easy either. Each of us has to determine how important it is to us to be committed to one person and rely on that one person to play their part in the partnership we agreed to infront of all our friends and family. If that does not work, then maybe it is best some of us go it alone and just rely on our friends to be there when we need a shoulder. Marriage is not for everyone after all.
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