5 Love Languages

The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/)

"What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage: The Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestseller!Words of Affirmation—Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

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Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
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Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
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Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
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Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
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Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive."

What Language do you speak?

17 November 2009

It was a year ago today I woke up in my lover's arms. He withdrew with guilt, and our relationship was forever changed. Physically, we grew closer while pulling away from the mental burden we inflicted upon ourselves. We were "in Love," but committed somewhere else.

The day came where by my own joyful ignorance our secret affair was discovered. More guilt consumed us and pulled us further apart while our hearts continually connected us. Time grew precious but filled with empty heat. Passion overtook us while guilt drove a stake in our hearts.

We chose our paths with heavy hearts professing futures so true. Smiles pressed on cynical faces as we wished each other well. Concerned solely of each others happiness all the while hoping sadness would drive the vehicle to the other's door. Thank goodness location of either was unknown except when together. Hurt can no longer be spread from one unto another and patience is no longer needed. Hope for the future is gone as reality creeps back in and reminds each of the path they pledged with their hearts and heads so many years ago. True love does not exist...not in this house.

Marriage!?

In this day and age, marriage seems like a thing of the past. Sure, people are still getting married, but I find a lot of them go in to it with the idea if it doesn't work out they can always get divorced. What happen to the old school values? What happened to hardwork and determination? Everything in life is work...that is how life gets it worth for so many people; however, work should not be one's life.

Anyway, I digress.

Many of my friends are single or in their 2nd marriage. The common time frame for their first marriage seems to be about 3years. It is such a fashion now, that it has been termed trial marriages. Unfortunately, I don't feel you can really learn enough about a person in the first 3 years, and you both have not had a chance to grow and change as you most certainly will through life.

So, what is marriage and is it really important to our lives nowadays?

Many claim marriage to be a pledging of the heart to that person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Then what happens when you both grow apart over time and find yourself with different passions and no way to compromise on being intertwined in each others lives anymore? Isn't that part of the work aspect of a marriage?

At the same time, I view marriage as a mutual partnership. You have pledged to each other you will be there through thick and thin, "in sickness & in health, till death due us part." When one member of the marriage is falling down and unable to walk, the other partner picks the ailing member up and carries them for a while and vice versa. I guess one could look at it as teamwork. No one person is perfect, but a team can be pretty darn close when they truly work together towards common goals or even uncommon goals. That is where support comes in. Believing in each other and trusting in each other. Why marry someone if you cannot share your deepest darkest secrets with them and know they are still going to love you. I truly feel when two people marry they truly do become family and families love unconditionally...of course, I guess that is in a perfect world. This world, unfortunately, is not perfect and thus we see billboards advertising "divorce in a day."

Not too long ago, I sat at a party listening to people talk about marriage. It started as a conversation about homosexual marriage versus heterosexual marriage, and it eventually turned in to berating a young gentleman (22yrs of age) about his beliefs on marriage. He was currently engaged and headed in to the marriage idea with the belief that Divorce was not an option. The people around him bombarded him with questions related to their own marriages which had ended in divorce. As I was (and still am) going through a rough spell in my marriage of 11yrs, I gave the gentleman kudos for sticking to his guns and told him to hold on to that belief even in the worst of times within his marriage. It is sometimes the only thing that may save a severely ailing marriage.

When I got married 11yrs ago, I fully believed divorce was not an option. Things could never get so bad that we could not work it out. Well, things have gotten pretty bad and we both are still committed to this marriage and struggling our asses off with some glimmer of hope that we can salvage what once was an amazing marriage. It is not easy, and I have found myself in a spot which I never imagined I would be in. My husband has lost his trust in me, and I work daily on finding the balance between autonomy and building back his trust. At the same time, he constantly struggles with his emotions and how to express them. It often leaves us both pretty hurt and rejected, but we are able to come together and have some great talks about it sometimes too. We are no where near the relationship we had in the beginning of the marriage, but we are not the same people we were in the beginning of the marriage. The hope is we will come through it stronger and more knowledgeable of each other.

So, marriage...what is it and how important is it to the nature of humans? I guess it is an ever evolving/morphing relationship filled with work and joy at the same time. As is the truth of life, marriage is not easy either. Each of us has to determine how important it is to us to be committed to one person and rely on that one person to play their part in the partnership we agreed to infront of all our friends and family. If that does not work, then maybe it is best some of us go it alone and just rely on our friends to be there when we need a shoulder. Marriage is not for everyone after all.

Menoa Tree

"This is what happened. Once there lived a woman, Linnea, in the years of spice and wine before our war with the dragons and before we became as immortal as any beings still composed of vulnerable flesh can be. Linnea had grown old without the comfort of a mate or children, nor did she feel the need to seek them out, preferring to occupy herself with the art of singing to the plants, of which she was a master. That is, she did until a young man came to her door and beguiled her with words of love. His affections woke a part of Linnea that she had never suspected existed, a craving to experience the things she had unknowingly sacrificed. The offer of a second chance was too great an opportunity for her to ignore. She deserted her work and devoted herself to the young man and, for a time, they were happy.

But the young man was young, and he began to long for a mate closer to his own age. His eye fell upon a young woman, and he wooed and won her. And for a time, they too were happy.

When Linnea discovered that she had been spurned, scorned, and abandoned, she went mad with grief. The young man had done the worst possible thing; he had given her a taste of the fullness of life, then torn it away with no more thought than a rooster flitting from one hen to the next. She found him with the woman and, in her fury, she stabbed him to death.

Linnea knew that what she had done was evil. She also knew that even if she was exonerated of the murder, she could not return to her previous existence. Life had lost all joy for her. So she went to the oldest tree in Du Weldenvarden, pressed herself againstit, and sang herself into the tree, abandoning all allegiance to her own race. For three days and three nights she sang, and when she finished, she had become one with her beloved plants. And through all the millenia since has she kept watch over the forest...Thus was the Menoa tree created."

Eldest by Christopher Paolini, pg. 307

Chapter 1

It was a day as any other day. The sun shone brightly through the front windows of the store begging Dahlia to come outside and play. Unfortunately, she was chained to the cash register on another slow day in the retail world. Very few customers were needing her assistance as they were simply "looking."

That is when it happened. He walked in on a sunbeam and brought with a silent comfort. She noticed him at once and wondered of his purpose there. As he wandered in the opposite direction of her, she began to lose interest, but his image had been burned upon her mind. What was it about him that lingered in her thoughts. Usually those moments were saved for the firefighters and uniformed rescue workers. Oh how they could dominate her thoughts and bring guilty smiles to her face.

But this man was just a commoner much like any other who walks through those doors on a regular basis. Why would he leave an imprint as an odor on the memory? He was not particularly handsome like some of the rescue workers Dahlia dreamed of on a regular basis. So, what was the draw?

As he came back around toward the front of the store, Dahlia caught him introducing himself to her co-workers and became even more curious. She had heard a rumor of the new supervisor being in town and checking out the store a couple of times already, but never imagined this to be him. All the rumors portrayed him as some great man such that she expected him taller and built more like a hippie football player. The one thing he did have going for him, which may have been the draw, was his charisma. He seemed genuinely interested in what would soon be his employees.

Once he made it back to the front of the store where Dahlia was standing, he flashed her a smile and steadily introduced himself to her. Dahlia stood her ground and refused to fall for his charm. She did not believe in the reward systems within her company and thus figured this man to be a brown nosing loser who had duped the system and was just here as a pit stop. After he introduced himself, he talked a little bit with those who remained nearby before heading back out the door.

With him gone, Dahlia was allowed to think about his visit and evaluate his abilities on the first meeting. After much thought, she chuckled to herself and thought, "he's going to get eaten alive here." Her co-workers were not easy people to work with as they had grown hard against the workings of the current management team and were also complacent and guarded due to past drama and abuse. She was excited to see how things played out over the next few months as this pretty boy attempted to climb the ladder of management within her store.

as if a dream

Ah the heart
beating deep within
desiring the touch
sweet caresses
moisten my skin
as we pull ever closer
all the while pushing
pushing pushing.

eyes filled with tenderness
swallow me whole
words lost in my ears
as i am lost in your world
dreams swirl around me
begging for reality
lost all the same.

forbidden fruit
dangles above
tantalizing and ripe
such beauty within
too many walls surround
i will not give up
the dream eternal.